you know.. ever since I've come back my headphones have been making love to my ears for about 60% of the time that I am out of my twin-size and over-blanketed divan. It seems as if my ipod does almost a better job of isolating me from the real world than BYU does. Every time, I put those headphones on I feel as if the music has lifted the ban of embarrassment on public dancing and has killed my body's ability to cease running after 4 miles on concrete oceans, even when my heart feels like it's gonna burst out of my chest. Whenever I think about the 2 k's, the music flowing through my headphones acts like joint straight from eugene and puts my persona in warm blanket and redirects on my attention away from those sunk emotional costs. Strangely enough though.. this music also makes me miss the Y.
It was so easy to hate and complain about that place. But, I think this is just a reflection of my "wtf" attitude on life. The Y was like my second home and the LDS, for the most part, didn't treat me like a non-lds. It was like they took me in as one of their own. Being a non-lds at BYU wasn't as bad as it sounds, but it was still culturally raping more times then I can recount. Sometimes, I would occasionally mutter to others "I have no reason to be LDS", but truthfully, that is a lie. Every mormon that I get close too, every time the hendersons allow me to stay in their home and treat me like one of their own, every mormon girl I fall for, every good feeling I get from reading the book of mormon, every time I hear from friends on their missions, every time I see a friend get married to their best friend, I get more reasons to become LDS. Yet.. no matter how many reasons there are, I could never become one...
